Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. I don’t think that most men can control their anger in such a situation. I always, without exception, have to initiate it and she wants it over and done with as soon as possible. I don't want to lose him. Affection is not physical health. Tonight, we had a rather large fight because I rudely asked him not to grope me and he felt very rejected and upset that I didn't want him to touch me. Other aspects of our relationship have been much better recently and that is why I am still here. We do a lot of hugging and kissing in our home. Or like you said, running up to him for a kiss when he comes home from work. "It was hard taking the constant rejection.". If your boyfriend quickly shrugs his shoulder away when you drape your arm around him, you don't have a unique situation on your hands. She makes me feel like a sex pest, which I suppose I now am. We had tickets for an electronic show and the day of she said that she needed to sleep at her place after the show/night, gave me every crap reason as to why, and essentially said that I was not welcome. Human connection can be a comforting thing whether you are upset or just going on about your daily life. I try not to pressure her or complain all the time because of the whole push pull dynamic, but every day is the same and I just feel empty, rejected and used. Look: you're both adults. Focus on what you can control, and watch the affection flow. We kissed a lot and she would go on and on about what a wonderful kisser I was and talked about what great lips I had and so on. He is the most wonderful husband, as you yourself seem to be, and I cannot imagine my life without him. Her parents are not demonstrative in any way and I have never seen them as being close. It is also one of … This may be very true when other parties in relationships are unhappy with the level of affection they receive. Neither of us are affectionate in my relationship and people say things to the both of us regularly, as if we are obligated to show everyone around us that we are, in fact, together. I'm an 18 year old girl. Ladies, count your blessings if your hubby doesn't touch you. I don't think his childhood was particularly intimate, and recently I asked if his ability to feel emotion had changed since the death of his grandparents, which he confirmed it had. I've tried doing it, but I think I have a fear of rejection. What NOT to Do When Your Wife has Stopped Showing Affection... Now the best marriage advice I can give you for when your wife has stopped showing affection is to handle it by being angry and lashing out. The only affection I get each day is at the end of the night before she goes to her own room, which is a hug, with an occasional kiss, or she "lets me" rub her feet or give her a massage. She has even stated she will probably never love me as much as I love her -- something that resonates within me and is slowly killing me every day. It’s more of a brave face than a smile, I can assure you. Seriously? He says he is desperate for us to be together forever and I don't want to lose him, so what do I do? I think that some people are just naturally more physically affectionate than others and some are less physically affectionate than others. When partners aren’t able to express their emotions, it can erode the relationship. 2. We are both attractive people so that is not a problem (although sometimes I naturally think it is). Women will claim their husbands have trouble showing affection, and men may actually complain that their wives show too much. Dear WiltedDaisy, I am so sorry for your situation and for your husband's, who must see your attempts at showing affection as possibly violating. Well, we dated when we were young, then moved on we both got married, and then divorced. But, on the plus side, once you start pushing yourself out of that comfort zone, it gets easier. We are going back to being very close loving friends. This has led to me feeling even more isolated and masturbating in the bathroom like some frustrated teenager. For these folks, touching itself has become a violation of self, and they don’t want to receive touching, or give it and possibly be considered as abusers too. I honestly thought she was going to go through with selling up and it terrified me. Sex is less frequent and she "participates" sexually but she doesn't seem so much "there". I don't show affection at all -- no hugs, no kissing, or anything like that. Judging by what she's told me about her past relationships, these are the sorts of men she always ended up with. RELATED: Why Touch Matters In Relationships. What I think is more of an issue that people should address much deeper, is that feeling of such an overwhelming "need" for attention and affection from their significant other, that it actually affects their relationships, love life and controls their lives. He remains unmindful of what other people say when we hug and kiss in public. What hurts though, is that my wife doesn’t even try or want to get close. If you really need affection, then, that is a perfectly reasonable thing to leave your marriage for. I firmly believe that she is just very depressed and stressed about life, so her sex drive is non-existent. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. If the guy wants sex, the women complain. I recently told her that I have always loved her and will until the day I die. Generally what you’re shown as a kid tends to have an influence on adult behavior; the old nurture argument, and certainly the difference in cultural views of affection come into play. I am having counseling myself, however it would make my husband angry to know that I am doing so as he doesn't want anyone to know, and again it comes back always to being my fault anyway. She is 67 years old now and I will be 53 in a few short months. My girlfriend, whom I've lived with for just over a year is unaffectionate to the point of being cold. he sometimes says that i don't love him but i know deep down in do. He has to remind me, "Hey, I'm not feeling loved" in so many words. I found it offensive and very intrusive. I feel so lonely, ugly, and unloved even though other men still find me attractive. I am currently on the verge of ending it with my partner and am sat open mouthed reading some of these threads, as some are similar to my experience. We had our first child in 2005 and we were intimate throughout pregnancy and again with our youngest child. Tricia has a Literature degree from Sonoma State University and has been a frequent wiseGEEK My ways of showing affection are doing home repairs so he doesn’t have too. I can’t know in every moment when she expects affection and those around me become a measure for how much I ought to give. The sad thing is that if she sent me a text saying that she loved me or put an arm around me this evening then I would forgive everything. I now feel validated and less "weird", now that I understand I am not the only man or woman struggling with this issue. She, like so many other girls, thought this would make guys like her more but now realizes that it doesn't. We, or more like I, have had a few talks with her over the years, telling her that I need more love and attention, but she will always roll her eyes and say, “Not this again,” or that she can’t be the person that I want her to be. I’m in a panic! RELATED: True Intimacy Comes From This Kind of Touching My husband was in that unenviable position of being "interfered with" as a child, and not being able to show me affection when I need it, seeing me as "pathetic" in needing it, has brought me to the end of my ability to stay married to him. I think that is her problem. One partner wants sex and isn’t getting it, so doesn’t feel like being affectionate. She is now much more mature and is desperately trying to get her life together as she is 24 and I'm 32, hence I know stress plays a major role in her life. A lack of affection in a relationship is a big issue. Being a mother, I didn't take this lightly. I hope over time I will overcome this dichotomy I find myself in. 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